I can't deny everything
by SilverEnderwolf
Summary: Just a smallish story about my feelings and thoughts for my medic. Rated T for obvious reasons.
1. Chapter 1

I couldn't fall for him, I just couldn't. For one thing, he's older than me, by about a year and a half. For another, doesn't even live in my vicinity. Not to mention that I promised myself that I would never fall for another, ever since some douche bag broke my heart a year and a half ago. Besides, he's leaving, he's going to be a doctor in a war. He probably has a girlfriend and she's probably way cuter than me. She probably makes him laugh, and smile...something I could never hope to achieve. Every love song I listen to sounds like it's mocking me. I've been listening to the same song on repeat for about 3 days.

It never gets old.

He makes me laugh...and smile. Something no one has ever made me do since I turned down my last ticket to love. He gives me the most confidence, so that I no longer hold my head down dejectedly, but up high with pride.

Sometimes I smile when I think about him.

When we "talk", I feel like such a little kid, I can't even talk like the adult I'll be in a little more than I year. We are both random, we both game (though we haven't played the same game for a long while), we both love the same mercenaries, we both have creepy sides to our personalities. We both love Yaoi.

We follow each others stories.

He wants to be a doctor, yet I want to be a writer. He is joining the military and though I'm proud, I don't see the point of why anyone would want to. He loves the Avengers...I would probably burn the comics in a huge bonfire, along with Superman and Batman.

Sometimes I'm depressed and I feel like giving up on the world (and it's given up on me too), then he comes around and I feel like a cotton candy cloud, all sweet and fluffy and light.

Does it matter that he is like the Medic on RED and I am my own BLU OC? That no matter what, we can't keep this friendship forever? Until my contract is finished, I'll shall cherish this friendship as long as I can. There are so many reasons for being lovestruck, but one thing is certain.

I can't deny everything.


	2. Chapter 2

I can deny some things.

I can deny that he sees me as more than a friend.

I can deny my conscience's true thoughts about how I feel. Who really listens to their conscience anyway?

I've denied how many others have told me that maybe I look up to him the same way Belarus looks up to Russia instead of how Liechtenstein looks up to Switzerland (Hetalia reference).

I've denied that our relationship is as creepy as that.

I've denied my true feelings because I don't wish to scare him off, though he's told me that it takes a lot to scare him off.

I've actually put some thought into the whole "denial" thing. Then I deny ever having put thought into it. I've denied that I'm a pessimist, but the truth is, I _can_ be pessimistic sometimes. (Another Hetalia reference) I suppose it depends on my mood, but both Italys come out in my moods sometimes. Still wondering if he is more like Spain or Germany. He's probably a Japan/France mix breed.

I can deny that the above statement can even be possible.

I've denied that we could work out, I mean...we barely know each other.

Yeah, I can deny some things.

I'm so deep in denial that I'm drowning, no wonder I have no motivation to write anything.

I can deny that I'll ever be popular or that I can write good stories.

I've denied that you'll even care about how I feel or think based on this chapter.

So much denial, and on my birthday too...

Yeah, I can deny some things. Too many things.


	3. Chapter 3

So many questions are running through my mind. Where is he? Why hasn't he responded since my birthday? Is he still writing that story? If so when will it be done?

.

.

.

What if he reads this? I'm so screwed. I miss him, I truly do. There isn't a day that goes by without me thinking of him. I talk about him all the time. Did I mention that I'm proud of him? That I love the way he writes his stories? He hasn't written any new stories or posted a new chapter to Stories are just Stories yet...but I'm still waiting.

Geez, I went from being the independent Leader of the Pack to a faithful domestic dog in three months. THREE!

I feel like a failure, yet he makes me feel like I could be somebody. I feel awkward and lonely, but with him...I'm myself and I'm never alone...not even in my thoughts. He's always there, in my head, in DMS, in-game. Telling me what to do, how to do it and that I'm doing just fine if-

There I go again. Some would say I'm obsessed.

.

.

.

I'm not obsessed. I just...miss him. I'm not in love I just...yeah, I just miss him.

My Medic.


End file.
